Can I whisper one of my worst fears to you?

It’s that one or both of my kids will walk away from the Lord – that they will take the faith we’ve diligently tried to instil in them through the years and carelessly trade it in for what the world unashamedly sells on every street corner.

Trade life for death.

The book has been lying on my shelf for months, recommended to me by a dear lady who has successfully raised two passionate followers of Christ.

But I’ve been afraid to pick it up.

Afraid it will tell me that what I’m doing now with my children in these crucial foundational years, is a sure recipe for rebellion.

And sure enough … only a few pages in I read this:

I can understand Dr. Kimmel’s point. Religion without relationship, rules without the why, performance without passion, and a home void of grace are sure ways to produce rebellious kids.

He had said it in his message on Sunday. “There are Christians who pretend. But their kids know. Just ask them.”

Yes – my kids know. They see the sin that runs wild in me when things get chaotic. They see the pleasant smile I paste on my face as we walk out the door.

Kids know the truth.

I don’t want to move through the checklist of Christian parenting, naively believing the guaranteed outcome is good, godly kids. Instead, I want to live a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ in front of them so they simply won’t want anything less.

I want them to understand that we don’t memorize Bible verses every morning at breakfast so we can fill our minds with facts, but know the truth that if we don’t, our minds will be a mess. Truth will become relative and we’ll fall into deception.

I want them to realize that we go to church on Sunday mornings, not because it’s what the Christian culture does, but it’s a response to what God has done in our lives through the week. We go to worship and serve and encourage other believers. We go because we couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

I want them to know that we not only pray before meals and bedtime, but we pray anytime. Our knees hit the floor at the first wind of crisis, our hands are raised in gratitude at the first hint of blessing, and our eyes are closed in silent, eager expectation of what He is going to do.

Yes, my kids see the worst in me. But thankfully they also know the regret in eyes brimming with tears as I kneel before them and ask forgiveness. They catch their mama on her knees as the sun is touching the horizon, and they stumble upon their parents at the kitchen table with their Bibles wide open.

So I’ll continue to turn one page at a time and face my worst fears with knocking knees.

And I’ll continue (by God’s grace alone) to live out a faith, that although not perfect, is as real as the God I point them to. And pray like crazy!

This is how I choose to conquer one of my worst fears.

The title on the front of the handout reads Knowing God. It’s a class on the attributes of God, and I’m totally overwhelmed and completely inadequate.

To dare to think I could teach others of the vastness of God’s character and His ways?!

And each morning I pray on bended knee and then again as I stand before the class, begging Him, Lord, we can’t know You unless You reveal Yourself to us.

That’s the truth of it. His ways are so much higher than our ways, His thoughts are so much greater than our own. It is impossible to know God unless He makes Himself known.

And the glorious, unfathomable truth is, He does!

God’s glory is the way He makes Himself known to us. He wants to reveal Himself to us and each way He does that is His glory. Through glimpses of His glory, He makes Himself recognizable.

Remember the first of Jesus’ miracles? When He turned water into wine at the wedding in Cana?

This beginning of His signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory, and His disciples believed in Him.   ~ John 2:11

Did you see what happened as a result? When He manifested His glory – when He showed His disciples who He was by turning the water into wine - they believed Him. You see, knowing who God is, translates into greater trust and faith in Him.

We can’t trust a God we don’t know.

And without faith it is impossible to please God. So we need to know Him better to increase our faith.

How has God shown you His glory recently? Where have you caught glimpses of Him? Are you encouraged to trust Him more?

Ask God to reveal Himself to you today!

A note to her Daddy left on the bedside table.

(Not a bad way for a 5-year-old to ask for a pet!)

A note to her brother proclaiming her love for him.

And after two consecutive mornings of sibling squabbles over this silly, green ball, I find this note placed lovingly outside her brother’s bedroom door:

Hand-crafted, lovingly written notes.

My husband and I have had this conversation multiple times, and it often begins with him asking, “Why doesn’t God speak to us like He did in the Old Testament?”

Do you ever wonder the same? Wouldn’t it be nice to hear a voice from a burning bush? See a pillar of fire by night, or a cloud by day showing us which way to go?

The Israelites experienced all of these things. God manifested His glory in tangible, audible ways. He spoke clearly and consistently through the prophets. And yet they still disobeyed.

If God spoke in an audible voice, telling us clearly which way to go, do we honestly think we’d behave any differently than the Israelites?

The truth is, God reveals Himself in so clearly in our times as well, this side of the cross. His Word – 66 books – is entirely God-breathed. The Scriptures are handwritten notes from the Father, lovingly written for us to know Him more and love Him better.

His Spirit, indwelling every believer, speaks only what He hears from the Father, whispering truth that guides and counsels and shows us the way to go.

God does speak.

How is He speaking to you today through His Word? (You have to read  His notes to you to find out!)

How is He speaking to you today through His Spirit?

“Can I build a snowman family?” she asks, interrupting my daydream of laying on the deck in the hot sun, book in hand.

She’s living completely in this glorious moment.

I could stand to learn a lesson or two from her.  

She heads outside and I enjoy the quiet for a few moments.

Lately I’ve wondered if the quest for happiness – the desire to create a nice little life for myself – is actually hindering what God wants to do in and through me?

Isn’t that what we all do without thinking? Protect ourselves from difficulty, pursuing happiness instead?

It’s quite possible to falsely assume that happiness and the positive feelings we have come from knowing God well and walking in His ways. But what if these happy feelings come solely from the fact that our lives are moving along according to our plans?

And are our plans always God’s?

No, not always. Maybe more like rarely.

Does a smooth life always mean God is blessing it?

Because let’s face it – the work of the Spirit in our lives is rarely comfortable. He’s always convicting us, stretching us, moving us beyond our comfort zones.

Perhaps the state of spiritual contentment we often have has anesthetized us to God’s call to move forward.

She calls me to the door to see her snow creations. “Take a picture, Mama?” She poses dutifully for the camera.

The Christian life is not a search for fullness and satisfaction now, in this world. It is a glorious, sure and certain hope for complete joy and satisfaction in the life to come.

We exult in hope of the glory of God (Romans 5:2).

So why to we relentlessly pursue happiness in this life?

I know why I do. Difficulties are not fun. Tribulations are described in the Bible as a pressing together. None of us like to be squeezed through affliction and trials. It’s painful So we try to escape. We pursue happiness at all costs.

Scripture tells us we can exalt in our tribulations. We can rejoice and even boast in them.

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations (Romans 5:3).

How is this even possible?

Because of what we know. We know from the authority of God’s Word that tribulations bring about perseverance. and perseverance proven character. and proven character, hope (Romans 3-4).

So then perhaps I am hindering what God wants to do in and through me by trying to create a nice little life for myself. In an effort to manage my life, I’m effectively trying to assume control and refusing to believe God is sovereign. What if instead of running from difficulty, I embraced them head-on, knowing that the ultimate result in my life is perseverance, proven character, and hope?

And hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:5). This is not wishful thinking. Our hope is a confident expectation for complete joy and satisfaction, not now, but when we meet Christ.

She calls from the door again asking for more things to decorate her snow family.

It’s arrogant and prideful to demand satisfaction in this life, and to get pouty and angry when life doesn’t deliver happiness.

God wants to work something in and through us. The Potter is shaping something beautiful out of these jars of clay. And it will be well worth the refiner’s fire.

I’m choosing to pursue God, not happiness. To let Him have His perfect way in me.

She’s turned her bedroom into one gigantic fort. Spread every blanket she can find on every square inch of carpet. Wrestled an old mattress through her doorway and straddled it from her bed to her desk. Draped the remaining blankets over the mattress, creating a cozy little sanctuary for herself.

“Can I sleep in my fort, Mama?”

Of course – what is girlish childhood without creating imaginary castles out of blankets and then pretending to be Sleeping Beauty for the night?

I make her a cozy bed beneath the mattress and snuggle in beside her.

“Do you want to know what happened at recess today, Mama?”

Bedtime is often when the stories come.

She proceeds to tell me about the mean name another little girl called her. She emphasized the injustice as her voice quivers.

“So what did you do?” My responsibility is the training of this little one. I think about the verse her brother has been memorizing at breakfast over the past week, and I wonder if she’s really heard.

She’s quiet now. The nightlight creates dancing shadows across the hanging blankets.

“I called her a name back,” she whispers.

“Oh, honey – ”

“I know, Mama. I shouldn’t have.”

“Maybe we should talk to God about it,” I suggest.

She nods. ”But can you go? I just want to be alone with God to tell Him.”

I hesitate, wondering if she’ll really talk to God. But then I remember what she told me unprompted the night before. Sometimes when I can’t sleep, Mama, I just lie here and talk to God. I just love Him so much!

I kiss her on the forehead and quietly leave the room.

Sometimes we just need to be alone with God.

Lately I’ve neglected to set my alarm clock, thinking my internal one would wake me up early enough to spend ample time with God. But it seems the internal one is not quite as reliable! My time reserved for Him in the morning had dwindled.

So this week I’ve gone back to setting an alarm, to make sure I carve out significant time in the morning to spend in the Word. Because His words are life!

It was just this past Sunday we listened to a man from Teen Challenge share his story. He had the prefect life. A wife. Kids. Went to church every Sunday. But one day he stopped reading his Bible. One small step begins a string of bad decisions. Over time his marriage fell apart. Then he started drinking a little to ease the pain. And you can imagine the downward spiral from there.

You see, we are all only one bad decision away from certain disaster.

When we slip from intentionally seeking God to a more complacent approach to our walk with Lord, we have taken dangerous steps towards apathy. Steps towards ruin and destruction. Steps towards the enemy who seeks to kill, steal and destroy.

And what happens if we’ve taken a few steps away?

Run back! Re-commit. Start again.

Because it’s good to get alone with God.

How are you intentionally seeking God these days? He promises to be found by you.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.    ~ Jeremiah 29:13