Sometimes it’s good to get alone with God.

She’s turned her bedroom into one gigantic fort. Spread every blanket she can find on every square inch of carpet. Wrestled an old mattress through her doorway and straddled it from her bed to her desk. Draped the remaining blankets over the mattress, creating a cozy little sanctuary for herself.

“Can I sleep in my fort, Mama?”

Of course – what is girlish childhood without creating imaginary castles out of blankets and then pretending to be Sleeping Beauty for the night?

I make her a cozy bed beneath the mattress and snuggle in beside her.

“Do you want to know what happened at recess today, Mama?”

Bedtime is often when the stories come.

She proceeds to tell me about the mean name another little girl called her. She emphasized the injustice as her voice quivers.

“So what did you do?” My responsibility is the training of this little one. I think about the verse her brother has been memorizing at breakfast over the past week, and I wonder if she’s really heard.

She’s quiet now. The nightlight creates dancing shadows across the hanging blankets.

“I called her a name back,” she whispers.

“Oh, honey – ”

“I know, Mama. I shouldn’t have.”

“Maybe we should talk to God about it,” I suggest.

She nods. ”But can you go? I just want to be alone with God to tell Him.”

I hesitate, wondering if she’ll really talk to God. But then I remember what she told me unprompted the night before. Sometimes when I can’t sleep, Mama, I just lie here and talk to God. I just love Him so much!

I kiss her on the forehead and quietly leave the room.

Sometimes we just need to be alone with God.

Lately I’ve neglected to set my alarm clock, thinking my internal one would wake me up early enough to spend ample time with God. But it seems the internal one is not quite as reliable! My time reserved for Him in the morning had dwindled.

So this week I’ve gone back to setting an alarm, to make sure I carve out significant time in the morning to spend in the Word. Because His words are life!

It was just this past Sunday we listened to a man from Teen Challenge share his story. He had the prefect life. A wife. Kids. Went to church every Sunday. But one day he stopped reading his Bible. One small step begins a string of bad decisions. Over time his marriage fell apart. Then he started drinking a little to ease the pain. And you can imagine the downward spiral from there.

You see, we are all only one bad decision away from certain disaster.

When we slip from intentionally seeking God to a more complacent approach to our walk with Lord, we have taken dangerous steps towards apathy. Steps towards ruin and destruction. Steps towards the enemy who seeks to kill, steal and destroy.

And what happens if we’ve taken a few steps away?

Run back! Re-commit. Start again.

Because it’s good to get alone with God.

How are you intentionally seeking God these days? He promises to be found by you.

You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.    ~ Jeremiah 29:13

It’s been a week of minor irritations.

And I’ve been tempted to grumble – alright, let me rephrase that – I have grumbled.

The flu has invaded our home. A daughter with a bucket beside her bed at night, means no school for her the next day, which means I get behind in my work. I husband comes home from work in the middle of the day and lies shivering under piles of blankets.

Snow storms and slippery roads altering plans, and the van doors freezing shut – completely – all four of them!

Decisions to be made during days when I feel I can’t think straight.

Missed fun when the flu finally hits me.

That’s when I grumbled.

But this I’m learning in the process: God does not exist to make me happy or to make my life better, nor does He promise to. In fact, in this life He promises the opposite: We will have trouble.

(Feel better yet? Me neither.)

God allows things to come into our lives that seem inconsistent with His good plan. Little things that are small irritations, and big things like health concerns and relational messes. All of these are meant to drive us straight into His arms.

But sadly I often spend my energy trying to make the irritations go away.

When I live to make my world a better place, when I invest all my time and energy in making life more comfortable, I’m not pursuing God. I’m really pursuing me. Idolizing self.

“Every moment spent in seizing pleasure is a moment with your back to Me. Return! Return to Me not for the blessings of life that bring pleasure but for the blessing of My Presence that sustains hope. Every time you look at a calendar to see when you can schedule an activity designed for your fulfilment, you robe Me. Every time you use whatever is in your wallet to purchase satisfaction, you steal from Me. Enjoy every pleasure I provide, but never live for every pleasure you can experience. Sheer foolishness!”   ~ Larry Crabbe (66 Love Letters)

 

At the end of a week of minor irritations and changed plans, I recognize what most needs changing is not my circumstances.

It’s me.

I need to grow up into Christlikeness.

If God intervened and made our lives completely satisfying and totally fulfilling, we’d be even less likely to recognize our greatest need, which is Him to change us. Sometimes our sinful self-centeredness can only be rooted out in suffering.

And so I’m – dare I say it? – grateful for the irritations. Thankful for their whispered reminders that this earth is not my home. Grateful that they point out the areas in my life that still need transformation.

And I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t add: So grateful that today marks the start of a new week filled with new beginnings and new mercies!

I love turning the calendar to a new year. There is something about a fresh start and embarking into the unknown that is completely thrilling! What will be around the next bend? Over the next hill?

It’s an opportunity to begin again. To consciously throw off the old and embrace the new. A chance to make changes in habits and lifestyle – to determine to dig deeper into this walk with God. To establish new routines that lead to knowing Him more intimately.

And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.”  Revelation 21:5 (NASB)

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB)

It’s taking brave steps into the wild unknown. What will this year hold? What will God teach me? What mountains will we climb together, and what valleys will He take my hand and lead me through? How will I be different – changed more into the image of Christ – by December 31, 2013?

I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters,
    making a dry path through the sea.
I called forth the mighty army of Egypt
    with all its chariots and horses.
I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned,
    their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick.

“But forget all that—
    it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:16-19 (NLT)

For me, these things are exciting to think about.

Aren’t you glad we have a God who makes all things new? What new things are you looking expectantly to Him for this year?

We’ve spent the last five days in the north having tons of fun in our winter wonderland. Here are the top ten things I learned during our time away:

10. Exposed skin freezes at 20 below and a pair of good mitts and boots really do make a difference.

9.  A frozen lake and a snowy hill can provide old-fashioned fun and exhilarating entertainment for hours.

 

8.  Food always tastes better when someone else makes it.

7.  My boy can officially skate faster than me and handle a puck in a way I could only dream about (if I were inclined to dream about hockey!).

6.  Birds eat popcorn and toast and leftover roast beef (who knew?!).

5.  To them, all things are more fun with Grammie and Papa Moose.

4.  Waking early before the rest of the house to spend time with the Lord, really does make all the difference.

3.  I can survive for 5 days without texting, emailing, Facebook or blogging!

2.  Creation displays God’s glory over and over no matter where we are on this spinning blue marble.

1.  Living simply and slowly really is better.

Sometimes one day can throw more things our way than we can seemingly handle.

We aren’t quite finished processing through one situation, and another one marches right down our paths, demanding time and attention. Yesterday was one of those days.

I need time and space – margin – to reflect on things. To think through them and talk them over with God. Perhaps you are the same? Some of the processing I do happens as my thoughts take shape here (poor you!).

Sometimes I envy the (often) linear thinking of men, and their ability to go to their ‘nothing box’. It’s happened more than once that I’ve asked my husband what he thinks about a situation, and he responds, “I haven’t given it much thought.” Really?! My mind is constantly in motion, thinking about situations from all angles. Wondering ‘what if’ and ‘how’ and ‘when’.

All that thinking can easily turn me into a fence-sitter. But there comes a time when one can no longer respect her own unwillingness to make up her mind.

James talks about a ‘double-minded’ person. The idea here is literally one who pursues one thing one minute, then the complete opposite the next.

But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. ~ James 1:6-8

We decide to cap our lifestyle, then I look with envy on those who go on exotic vacations.

Double-mindedness.

We determine to give, then I get bitter over not having what I want.

Double-mindedness.

I determine to be content with what I have, then look longing through glass windows to sparking merchandise.

Double-mindedness.

Elijah called the people to make a decision. Would they pursue God or idols?

Elijah came near to all the people and said, “How long will you hesitate between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow Him; if Baal, follow him.”   ~ 1 Kings 18:21

Double-mindedness happens when we move towards God one day, then turn towards the world the next. When we make a decision that moves us closer to Christ, then we take two steps backwards in the direction of the world.

God wants us to be single-minded. To seek Him wholeheartedly. If we abandon this kind of focused devotion, the result is instability (see James 1:8). I don’t know about you, but a life of instability is not what I want.

In what areas of your life are you double-minded? How can you move forward toward God today?

Let’s throw off double-mindedness and live with hearts completely sold out for the One who loves us wholeheartedly.

 

We shake our heads and say, What is this world coming to?

Collectively we are sickened and saddened by what we have heard on the news over the last number of days. I can’t even bear to watch the images. Mothers who packed lunches and backpacks, who waved good-bye to little ones as buses pulled away, never dreamed they wouldn’t return home.

I can’t imagine.

I paced the floor that afternoon trying to envision the grief in God’s heart as He watches a world – a people He created – bent on destroying themselves. If I’m so struck by the events, what must be going on in the heart of God as He watches these things unfold? Where is God in this, we are tempted to ask? Right where we are, except, I believe, many times multiplied in His grief.

I paced and I prayed. Father God, we as a people have sinned. We have turned away from You and we find ourselves in a downward spiral of horrific evil. 

It makes me so aware of my own sin. I have killed with words. I haven’t always treasured each moment. I have taken people and things for granted. I too, have grieved the heart of God.

I picked up my own children from school that day and gave them long hugs, so thankful for the gift of that moment. Even thankful for the bickering in the van on the short drive home.

May we all be horrified by our own sin and determined to love better and to serve selflessly in a world that is anything but safe.

May we all be changed.

We’ve been Christmas shopping.

Two back-to-back days in an overcrowded mall, amidst hordes of people who are looking for the perfect gift, some with smiles and others with scowls. My lists are as long as the lines as we weave our way through the hustle and bustle. Every storefront beckons, displaying sparkling and glimmering merchandise, all promising to fill all emptiness. Every sign, every rack, screaming ‘You won’t be happy until you have bigger and better!‘

And when did I fall for that age-old lie?

As we walk hand-in-hand down the aisle, I watch the women who are dressed to be noticed, and dissatisfaction slowly creeps in.

“I need new jeans,” I tell him. “Do we have time to look?”

 

When did a want become a need – and really – what is my greatest need?

I slip on a pair of over-priced Silvers and the clerk says I look good, and I tell myself I’m satisfied. Yes, this is what I needed. And the lie continues.

But its not just the mall with all it’s trappings, or even the decorations in all their shimmering beauty … it’s this life. It’s good – really good. Things are going well. I’m happy. And when the world becomes comfortable – good even – and when I am happy, my hunger for God lessens.

An extra ten minutes of sleep seems more desirable than ten minutes with Him. Preparing for the classes is something to check of my list instead of priceless time in the word. When the world becomes attractive, God becomes less.

 

On Saturday morning, I grab a sweater and my running shoes and head for the trail. The sun glistens off the thin layer of freshly fallen snow, as I make my way through the countryside, one foot steadily in front of the other. I’m listening to his message for the second time because I need to be reminded again and again, and that phrase has been running through my head: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

 

There are two ducks floating down the river as my footsteps echo over the bridge. Am I satisfied in God, or in the world? Is Jesus my deepest longing, my greatest need? Do I pursue Him more intensely than anything else in this life?

John Piper says, “Believing Jesus is receiving him. As what? As the infinitely valuable Treasure that he is. Faith is seeing and savoring this Treasure. And so the fight of faith is a fight for joy in Jesus. A fight to see and savor Jesus as more precious than anything in the world. Because this savoring shows him to be supremely valuable.”

 

The fight of faith is the fight to see and savour Jesus as more precious than anything in the world.

I feel this battle alive and well within me.

 

Pastor John quotes Mark 8:34 as I reach the end of the trail and turn into the sun to make my way back:

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” But now the meaning becomes, Deny yourself the wealth of the world so you can have the wealth of being with Christ. Deny yourself the fame of the world to have the joy of God’s approval. Deny yourself the security and safety of the world to have the solid, secure fellowship of Jesus. Deny yourself the short, unsatisfying pleasures of the world so that you can have fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore at God’s right hand.”

 

I’ve highlighted that verse in my Bible.

In Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.   ~ Psalm 16:11b

Not in this world. Dissatisfaction is peddled on every street corner, but fullness of joy – complete satisfaction – is found in Christ alone.

I know this to be true. Then why do my affections wander?

 

Sunday morning I wake well before the sun, turn Christmas lights on, and settle near the fireplace. I read Psalm 63 and Psalm 42 and tell Him I want to long for Him like that. I ask Him to give me a greater hunger and a thirst, one that can be satisfied only in Him.

I tell Him I want to see Him.

Because I know that when I see Him, I will want to dwell in His presence forever.

My prayer is the same as I close our Sunday School class. Lord, we want to see You. Let everything else pale in comparison.

And then the pastor gets up and talks about the blind beggar and the question Jesus asks him; perhaps one of the most important questions we should ask ourselves: What do you want Me to do for you? He challenges us to think about our greatest need and tell God what that is.

I squirm uncomfortable in my chair. My greatest need is nothing this world can offer.

 

I look at Bartimaeus’ response to Jesus on that day near Jericho, and my whole heart says YES!

My answer is the same! I want to see!

I know when I catch the tiniest glimpse of who He is, I am forever changed. When I taste and see that the Lord is good, my life is altered. And the world becomes strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

That is my greatest need.

To see Christ.

I shake his hand after the service, this visiting pastor, and thank him for his words. And I say, “My answer is the same as Bartimaeus. My greatest need is to see Him.”

He smiles knowingly, and I walk out the church doors having seen Him …

… hungry for more.