“Watch me, Mommy! Watch me, Mommy! Watch me, Mommy!” My daughter’s words invade my far-away thoughts, bring me back to the present, and I turn from the kitchen sink. With outstretched arms she twirls and twirls until she falls into a heap of tangled limbs and giggles. I laugh and clap and return to the dishes. “Again, Mommy, again.” She repeats her trick and once again I applaud her performance.

She lives for my applause.

Too often, I find myself doing the same. I do things for the praise and applause of others. I long for their kind words and approval of my actions. Again, the words of Dallas Willard convict me:

“One thing that will block or hinder a life that is constantly interactive with God…is the desire for having the approval of others.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being known… the issue here is one of intents and purposes… not are we seen doing a good deed, but are we doing a good deed in order to be seen. In any case where we use, on ourselves or others, promised recognition as a motive for doing what should be done for its own sake, we are preempting God’s role in our life.

Our intent is determined by what we want and expect from our action. When we do good deeds to be seen by human beings, that is because what we are looking for is something that comes from human beings. God responds to our expectations accordingly. When we want human approval and esteem, and do what we do for the sake of it, God courteously stands aside because, by our wish, it does not concern him. God does not like to be present where he is not wanted. And he knows when he is wanted and when he is not.

On the other hand, if we live unto God alone, he responds to our expectations – which are of him alone.”

If I live my life as if only one opinion matters, my expectations will be of Him alone.

Dancing for all of the various audiences in my life is exhausting, and unlike my daughter, I will fall in a tangled heap of tears.

Dancing for an audience of One is freeing. With outstretched arms, I continue to twirl and twirl as He watches and smiles His approval.

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord, rather than for people.”
Colossians 3:23 (NLT)

One of the most amazing things about walking with Jesus, is the new levels of understanding He constantly gives us to truths we thought we always knew. He continually gives greater clarity and takes us to new depths in Him. I experienced this recently.

As followers of Christ, obedience comes first. I am to obey regardless of whether or not I understand why. I am to obey regardless of whether or not I feel like doing what He’s asked me to do. Obedience first. My understanding and opinions are secondary.

It’s one thing to know, but completely different to do.

I was confronted with a situation recently in which I knew what the right response would be; I knew the godly way to behave, and yet I totally didn’t feel like doing it. I wanted to stay hurt, bitter and resentful, but I knew God was telling me not to be offended and turn my bitterness into love.

I decided to test the ‘obedience first’ theory. I did the right thing even though I didn’t feel like it. I said the loving thing, even though my emotions did not match my words. What happened was truly amazing! The feelings followed my act of obedience. God supplied the feelings I mistakenly thought I needed to have before I acted. Obedience first. 

You see, if we wait to ‘feel like it’ we will be waiting a long time and probably never do it. Joyce Meyer has said one of the most dangerous questions to ask yourself is how you feel.

Don’t ask yourself how you feel, just do whatever God has asked you to do. He will supply the rest.

I find it interesting that after yesterday’s post, I come across this in the book I am currently reading (The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard):

“Out of that union (with God) we discover love as a life power that has the marvellous, many-sided expression spelled out by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13. But this beautiful statement by Paul is commonly misunderstood…

Love, Paul tells us, is patient, kind, free of jealousy and arrogance, is not rude or self-seeking, is not easily angered and keeps no records of wrong, takes no joy in things that are wrong but instead in what is true. It always protects, always accepts, always hopes, and endures everything. And it never quits (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

People usually read this, and are taught to read it, as telling them to be patient, kind, free of jealousy, and so on…

But Paul is plainly saying – look at his words – that it is love that does these things, not us, and that what we are to do is to “pursue love.” These things, these godly actions and behaviours, are the result of dwelling in love.”

“Let love be your highest goal!”
1 Corinthians 14:1 (NLT)

“Follow the way of love.”
1 Corinthians 14:1 (NIV)

“Eagerly pursue and seek to acquire [this] love [make it your aim, your great quest].”
1 Corinthians 14:1 (AMP)

The next question is what does it look like to pursue love?

Love is action. Love is reaching out to those around us who are in need. Pursuing love must involve an intentional living out of simple acts of God’s love. We are to live love on purpose.

I’ve started a new Bible Study this past week; one of my very favourite things to do! From the Living Room Series by Kelly Minter, called ‘No Other Gods,’ this study focuses on confronting our modern-day idols. On the fourth day, I was asked to read Isaiah 44:1-20. The passage talks about the foolishness of idols and the people who carve them.

One phrase seemed to resonate within my spirit. (You know that feeling where the text seems to jump off of the page and you read and re-read it?)

“He trusts something that can’t help him at all.”
Isaiah 44:20b (NLT)

What is it I trust in, that is not able to help me? Is it my talents, my money, other people? Is it my comfort, my compulsion to plan, my accomplishments? I’ve learned when God seems to highlight something in my reading of His Word that I need to stop and ask the next question:

What is it, God? What am I trusting in that can’t help me? What is taking the place of You in my life?

I don’t have the answer yet, but I have a hunch…

I’ve dreamed of going to far-away countries to feed the hungry, help the poor, be a light to those who live in darkness. Missionaries have a high calling on their lives to leave the comfort and familiarity of home, and travel to distant lands to serve people. What could be more thrilling? What could be more fulfilling?

Then I read this statement:

My children are my greatest mission field.

Maybe I need to re-evaluate my thinking. What could be more important than teaching, encouraging, and supporting my children? These two little minds are so easily influenced, and my purpose as a mother is to live a passionate relationship with God in front of them.

So often I focus solely on providing them with necessities of life: feeding them, clothing them, and helping them day-to-day. But my focus should be to feed their hungry minds with Truth, teach them how to be clothed with righteousness, and point them to God in all the ups and downs of their little lives.

My greatest mission field is right here, in my own home. What could be more fulfilling?

I know it’s Friday, even though the above says Wednesday. We’ll pretend…

About a week ago, on the Women of Faith blog, they issued a challenge to create a list of ten things you wish you knew before becoming a mother. It was actually a competition, and someone has already won, but I thought it might be fun to create my own list. 

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mother:

1. That pregnancy would completely disrupt my life. 

Seven weeks in the hospital with the first child and four months on bed rest with the second, was not planned, nor preferred.

2. That sleep deprivation during the first year would render me almost useless.

With my first child I expected to continue my normal pace of life (I even refused to take naps!), which I tried to do for about 7 months, until I literally collapsed in an exhausted heap of tears. When my second one came along, I took wise advice and grabbed the occasional nap when I could. It’s amazing that ‘sleeping through the night’ is the ultimate goal in the first year!

3. That MY child would throw tantrums in the grocery store, talk back and refuse to obey.

Before I had children, I was a parenting expert. I was determined my children would never behave poorly in public, or delay in obedience. I can’t believe how wrong I was! My children are completely normal.

4. That I would ignore the toys on the floor and head to bed.

The job of picking up is never-ending. My house often looks like a tornado went through, grabbed all the toys out of their proper places, and randomly threw them everywhere. I didn’t realize the extent of the disruption to my structured and organized home.

5. That I would occasionally give in to the whining, just to make it stop.

Enough said.

6. That I would have to lock myself in the bathroom to make a phone call.

Why is it that the fighting, whining and yelling starts the minute I pick up the phone?

7. How a little three-letter word could drive me so crazy and the answer I said I would never give, “Just because!”

My son has been going through the ‘why’ stage for over a year, and my darling two-year-old daughter has just begun. I thought I would be the first parent in history to satisfy the ‘whys.’ You can imagine that it hasn’t worked out exactly as I planned.

8. That parenting is so constant.

They talk continually. They follow me everywhere. They constantly demand my time and attention. They talk over each other to get my attention, voices escalating until they are both screaming their demands.

9. That the mommy guilt is almost overwhelming.

When they are peacefully tucked into their cozy beds, I look back over our day together often with immense guilt. Either I was too hard on them, or too lenient. Either I didn’t spend enough time playing with them, or I didn’t get enough work done. The mommy guilt is sometimes too much.

10. That mothering would bring out the best and worst in me.

I didn’t know one tiny person could be the focus of so much love and so much frustration. It seriously is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding things I have ever done. I love it!

What about you? What are some things you wish you knew before becoming a mother?

Stepping out in faith is often accompanied by much fear and trembling. There is trepidation, apprehension, anxiety, and uneasiness as we move into the unknown. 

We know this, either having heard it said or by experience. So then I wonder, is the opposite true?

Can the feeling of ‘comfort’ in our lives be a warning that we are not moving forward with God? If we are comfortable, secure, and at ease for long periods of time, have we stalled somewhere on our road of transformation? If we are always comfortable, are we depending only on ourselves and not on God?

If faith abounds outside the circle, is the inside filled with doubt and unbelief?

We fear stepping into the unknown because mixed with faith, is the possibility of discomfort – perhaps even (gasp!) sacrifice. But outside the comfort zone also awaits purpose, excitement, growth, fulfillment and immeasurable joy.

Our faith is stretched as we step beyond our circle of comfort and move forward with God, even if it is with shaky hands and wobbly knees.

If we never allow ourselves to get into a situation where we know we can’t do it alone, how can God show Himself mighty? When we are easily able to claim all the credit for the results, we know we haven’t leaned heavily on Him.

I’ve been evaluating my life lately in light of these questions. Am I too comfortable? Am I willing to take risks for God? Am I willing to follow Him beyond the familiar? I’d like to think so, but my cozy little life may reveal otherwise.

Father, make me willing to follow you anywhere…

My four-year-old son is emotional. He can collapse in a heap of tears, scream in frustration, and jump up and down in pure excitement within the span of ten minutes. The poor boy is too much like his mother.

Life has its ups and downs, yes, but perhaps even more bothersome than the heights and depths of our ever-changing circumstances, is the constant roller coaster ride of our emotions (especially if your dominant hormone is estragon!). I’ve been so aware lately that my emotions are always changing. I can go to bed happy and at peace with the world, and wake up the next morning on the wrong side of the bed, with frustration and bitterness towards those I love. How does that happen overnight?!

We’ve been told we must learn to live above our emotions; that no matter what is going on inside or outside, we need to keep a positive attitude, always responding in love to each person in every situation. But what do we do with those emotions inside that threaten to overtake us?

I think I may have stumbled across part of the answer. In the heart of Scripture, the psalmists poured out of every kind of human emotion imaginable. They boldly confessed the true state of their hearts and emotions to God. They held nothing back. And the result, (seen especially in the life of David) was increased intimacy with God. David was described as a man after God’s own heart.

What if our emotions became avenues of worship rather than a distraction?

What if, regardless of our heart condition, we poured ourselves out to God and used our emotions as a way to draw closer to Him?

I’m not there yet, but I’m learning. All I know is, my emotions need release and most times it’s better if that happens in the privacy of my relationship with God, than with (and at!) the people around me. I want to learn how to use my emotions as an avenue of worship to the One who created them in the first place.

Then, to teach my son the same…